Lonely Traveler

Thank you

2012-01-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

Ganda,

You must not know this but when I think about you the world becomes a better place to live in. This may sound like a figure of speech but it's really quite literal.

All of a sudden my day becomes brighter, my food taste more tastier, the colors become more vivid, even the air I breathe seems more fresher and am in Metro Manila so you can just imagine :).

It's your power over me.

You have the presence that both calms and soothes.

You may be a million miles away from me and I can feel it. I know it by the way my lips just suddenly turns into a smile, by how my mind just zooms at thoughts of you and everything is quiet because I have to be with the most important woman in my life even just in my mind.

I am not talking just about how perfectly beautiful you are. That's just how you are, closer to magic a miracle the sun is not center of the universe for me It's you.

No matter where you are, whatever it is that you might be doing, I am with you. Always. I think about you constantly, even on the times that either you or me may not have the chance to exchange words. I think about you every time and all the time.

That may sound redundant but it's the best way for me to describe how i am with you. Without meaning to, my mind plans, formulates schemes on how to please you.

Other people say that men give flowers to women for no reason because they have done something wrong. Well maybe that's true, I am guilty. I was a fool to ever let you go before. That was a mistake I would have regretted for the rest of my life if not for this chance.

So i cherish this chance to set things right, but I am not just talking about giving you flowers, nor am I saying that I will do one act to make you feel better, I will make up for that mistake for the rest of my life.

Prepare to be woed, to be courted, to be nurtured, cared for and pampered, spoiled and bathed with love and affection from that moment until time stops. And it never does.

For what I have in mind chocolates, flowers breakfast in bed are only garnishes to the actual meal.

With the way I feel for you the moon and the stars doesn't seem that far and impossible is a very obscure word.

O don't mind those who say that this is cheesy they do not even know the meaning of the word, there is jusy nobody who writes them this way so excuse their ignorance, i feel sad for them, tell you what i dont care what they say for i wrote this note not with a pen or paper, not even with my mind, but with my heart.

I love you today, yesterday tommorow. Forever is not enough for me to show you just how much.

I love you miss you you and you alone.

By

Just another love letter

2011-12-29T16:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot decide which one it is...

Please help me decide, please...

Please tell me. Which is it?

It might be your smile.

Or when our eyes meet and converse without a single word uttered

The way our hands intertwine independently as if they have a mind of their own, seeking the spaces in between our fingers cause it feels like home.

That fragrant scent you emit, when we hug

O the warmth, delicious, intoxicating, that goes beyond skin seeping through my pores and hits the spot that counts, My heart.

It actually takes all the strength that I have, to contain my self and give in to the urge of never to letting go

Your lips, that might be it, sweet and succulent, tender and soft...

Mesmerizing, you might as well be telling me about the details of a vasectomy's procedure and I would find myself -

attentive, captivated, enchanted.

Eating every word that comes out of your mouth, secretly wishing that my own was moving against yours all the time.

Might it be all the days, the nights the mornings, the afternoons. When we were together?

Oblivious. Pulses running wild, senses overdrive. Content, Longing. yearning, convulsive.

It might be one of the things I have listed or a combination of all.

When I am with you I feel so alive.

Like a man who has found his purpose.

A heart that learned how to love.

A compass that finally reached north.

I might not know the real reason why, but it happened yet once again.

A thought of you tickled my funny bone and makes me feel so happy.

I smile and write to you again and again. I hope you wont mind.

We both know this is not the first time I tried to you to bear my soul nor is this the last.

For this is just another love letter, one of numerous I will write you.

Please bear with me, humor me, I have to express how I feel, cause my love is so strong and my heart my might explode if I do not find a way to release it.

Loving you is easier than breathing, its natural, colorful, and when I tell you I love you it leaves an aftertaste that is similar to nectar tinged with gold.

So let me just say that I love you, I love you, I love you to infinity...

Like Christmas everyday

2011-12-22T02:46:00.000-08:00

I remember I liked Christmas as a child

But I can not remember why

As an adult, responsibilities and just the regular daily grind made me forget the reasons

Or maybe its just like that when you get older, you forget things, and because of that insecurities sets in and I find myself in denial; the more I can not remember the more I want to find out what they were

So here I am staring at my computer, racking my brain desperately trying to figure it out

Was it the toys that I get during the Holidays? You know that feeling you get when your in amazement of something new; the many features, the cuteness, the fun...

Or the abundance of food? At how you get when your fully satisfied with your Moms delicious Roasted Chicken, or your Aunt' succulent ham.

Maybe, its because the family was always complete. The bonding, you feel that your at home, that you belong.

It might have been the Christmas breeze that seemed to magically blow your worries away. The experience is really different for everyone. For me it was that cold howling breeze that smells of sugarcane. Sweet, clean even mysterious

I do not know I really do not know, maybe its a combination of all that I have listed.

Although the more I think about it, the more its apparent to me that Christmas was never about the material things that you get, its really about how the season makes you feel or because of the happiness it brings.

And I smile.

Because I realized that was and am the luckiest guy in the world.

Because I have you.

And how does that translate to what am talking about?

Well think about it.

It is only with you do I get amazed at the littlest or the simplest of reasons.

I maybe walking, standing up, sitting down or whatever it is that I may be doing, a thought of you never fails to make me smile.

It is only with you that holding hands feels that amazing, I wont even describe how it makes me giddy, and alert and alive! Okay let me try, its like I am holding your spirit and you mine.

The time that I met you was the only time that I stopped wanting anything in life, all I every wanted was you.

It is only with you that I feel full, and delirious and I think your really delicious

Its only with you that I feel at home, to whom I belong.

I feel loved, and love the feeling of being in love with the woman of my dreams. Wow that's a mouthful.

Simply put.

Being with you feels like its Christmas everyday..

And although I may not have you for Christmas this year, its okay because I will have you, be with you, for the rest of my life.

I love you Fey, Merry Christmas today, and for the rest of my days...

Karma

2011-11-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

May people use the word KARMA as if it were a curse to wish somebody that they hate bad luck, or ill fate.

That is funny because that is not what Karma is about at all.

Look it up, tell you what make it easy on yourself and google it.

Or better yet here is one of the online definition:

"kar·ma [kahr-muh] Show IPA

noun
1.Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman. Compare bhakti (def. 1), jnana."

It is much much more than just wishing somebody to make a mistake or have badluck it is the cosmic principle that determines a persons punishment or reward in this lifetime or the next, based on his or her actions in this lifetime or the one before that.

So I do not really think that one should be interested in or worry about someone else's KARMA, if that person has done bad things KARMA will just take over, that is according to principle.

Rather, worry about yours... I mean what have you done in this lifetime that deserves merit?

Is wishing for somebody to fall face flat on the ground a credit to your pogi or ganda points; to your own Karma?

When you die and wake up to your next life, what will you be?

Will you be human? A dog? A cat? A rat? or a cockroach?

If you believe in Karma, you really should move on and wish those who has hurt you a good life.

Come on man :)

Live your life and be happy, help somebody else search for that which will make them happy as well.

Stop looking hugging the memories that makes you miserable by fueling it with hate or anger, stop bitching about your sufferings. By doing so, you are the only one who is making yourself suffer the one who is prolonging your misery.

Give your friends a break, believe me they do not want to see you this way because they love you, and by now, for sure, they should already be sick and tired of your whining, "do you know who whines?

Babies.

Are you a baby?"

Find your peace of mind.

Take the time to cry, heal, forgive and forget...

Always pray.

Remember, "to err is human to forgive divine"

my vow

2011-10-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

I tried everything to shake you off of my system when things went south between us but nothing worked.

I laid low for a while, and think about what it was I should do, for I was lost, but later on realized that I could not find my way because I did not have you in my life.

So I loved you from miles and miles away, asking for nothing, I just soaked with the the feeling of joy whenever I admit to my self that it was you I loved.

Then we reconnected, and we had such a good time until the next issue tried to separate us.

So I looked at myself, contemplated and searched for answers within me.

And then it hit me.

I am happy knowing that I made you happy my love...

This no longer up to me, all the powers of logic, can not help me.

It is like its predestined.

So this here is my vow:

That I will love you and only you; that every waking and sleeping hour I would dedicate showing you just how important you are for me; that I will not stop courting you yesterday-today and tomorrow; that I will shower you with gifts may they be material or otherwise; that I will always tell you you are sexy and beautiful and smart because in my eyes you the only woman that matters; that I will be with you whether you are here or there or wherever; that I will always be here for you no matter what the trouble and I will love you till the sun no longer shines for me.

And I will do all of these without asking anything from you because as I said I am only happy when you are happy.

For life is short who knows what tomorrow brings.

If in my lifetime, you come to realize that it is fate who has spoken and it is too not up to you anymore, then I will be a lucky man.

If not, then I will look for you in the next lifetime and the lifetimes after that, and make you feel the same...

I am done playing I am done pretending.

I can not deny what destiny is telling us, I can no longer fight it.

I vow to love you forever and ever and ever....

missing you

2011-09-18T01:53:00.000-07:00

You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you, even if you tried

how can I express it?

how can I say it?

Somehow just saying I miss you is so shallow and does not match the truth of my longing

Would it be right to compare how I feel to the first drop of rain, after being exposed to the sun's rays at close proximity?

To a breathe of fresh air, when am swimming for the surface, from the bottom of the ocean?

I miss your smile, your laugh

I miss your fragrant scent; I miss how your skin would feel; so smooth when I touch it, and the energy it emits when I hold you, its like I am touching your heart and you are touching mine

I miss the way you would look at me when you walk into a room, all of a sudden by my sight everyone else would disappear, and I would try to absorb the details of the vission before me.

You would smile at me, the kind that would captivate the world, and your eyes they speak and they tell me wonderful things

I miss the way you would own every dress and perfume you wear, and how irritated I would get when I see it or smell it from other people

I miss how you would dig into your kettle corn, the way you munch on it, and at how happy you would look, like and adorable child, thinking about it now makes me want to buy one, and you know I do not like it

I miss Venus and Aphrodite, yes its between the two of us, I will not elaborate

I remember when I got my first car, it was on your birthday and was also the first time I drove you to your place; you don't know do you? That you left your imprint and made the passengers seat yours, I still glance upon that side of the car constantly thinking about the time we shared and wish you were there by my side

I remember the first time I kissed you, time stopped and we were transported to our very own dimension where nobody else exists, and nothing else was important than the way your lips moved with mine, you tasted so sweet, delicious and fulfilling

Your lips is my kind of dessert, heavenly-yummy and calorie free

People say that there is nothing that would compare to the pleasure of the first kiss

Well boo hoo, they know nothing, what if they knew, what if I tell them, that kissing you is never different, when I do, its always like the first time

When I saw you, I wanted to be with you, but when I kissed you little did I know that there can only be you...

I became yours, you owned me

And in recollection, a grin forms in my face because it suddenly hits me that I miss you more than breathing and I love you more than life

I love you, you and you alone...

but one dream

2011-09-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

When I was young I used to have a lot of dreams.

I dreampt of becoming rich

finding the perfect woman

be the best in my chosen field

buy a Car

Own a House

travel abroad

Have my own farm

So I worked hard and I found out that it took a lot to make my dreams come true.

Then you came along and I was happy, I have met the perfect woman.

I became more driven, and felt that it was easier for me to move to the direction I wanted to go because a part of my list was crossed out.

I would stare at you for hours my lucky charm, I used to tell myself.

Goodtimes!

Just when everything went well problems came one by one, to make matters worst you had to leave. I tried to stop you, but was not able to.

We both tried our best I know that, there came a point that I had to choose, you or my other dreams and because I was stupid I did not choose, I refused to... I kept changing the topic, biggest mistake of my life.

It was then that I lost appetite for life... I ceased to care. Day by day, I forgot my plans, my dreams crushed with my bitter fate, reality was stuck at the core of my brain at that point not even a surgeon could have removed it.

I was down, I was hurt, not food, not alcohol, not drugs, nothing could make the pain go away.

So, I died.

Maybe not, died died, but it felt worst than dying.

The pain was unbearable, I sometimes had to do things to myself to divert the pain. I did not like it. So I tried seeking the comfort of self pity, denial and anger. Sometimes I would go for understanding, then guilt it was a crazy loop. I was crazy, I might have had a breakdown at that time.

It took more than a year before I regained proper sleep.

In my own way, I tried to fight the depression. Eventually I managed to exist, to survive, but nothing I did made me feel the happiness that I felt when I was with you.

I was like a robot, I commanded myself to go to work, to eat, to sleep to stop thinking.

A few more years went by, the Gods may have seem my sufferings because we started talking again, and met, and fought and met and fought again.

By this time, I learned a neat trick I knew how to numb my heart so that it wont feel the pain. I was also able to separate my personal life and work, so I was working in automatic.

Then on a happy day, we reconnected.

And by default, everything seemed to automatically feel good, even the water seemed to taste better.

My days were filled with smiles, smooth sailing and happy.

And then another conflict.

But its okay cause now I know that these obstacles will not ruin us this time if we do not let them. It will be up to us, its our decision.

I know everything will be okay. I have been through the worst and survived.

We survived.

Experience has shown me which dream I should keep.

And that is you.

Its only with you that I am happy.

Its only with you that I feel good when good things come my way.

Without you success tastes like sand in my mouth.

I was right, you are my lucky charm, because you make me want to be a better man.

So I strive and strive and before I know it, I realize my other dreams.

Your the one dream that will make all my other dreams come true.

I will fight for you to be in my life I will not stop I will not give up...

You are my compass, without you I will be lost...

I have no regrets, if I were given a chance to go back I go through it again, I will endure the pain.

You are worth every tear.

Now I understand it, I can see it clearly, I could not live life without you after all, no man would survive without his heart.

I love you, you and only you.

being with you

2011-09-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

Sure I see that Tree.

As well as how my fingers punch the keys of my laptop.

The cars passing me by and some honking their horns at me as I drive.

I seem to process and act on the task I need to do at hand but you're the one who is always one on my mind.

Wherever or whenever the thought of you lingers.

Its like the air that I breathe.

Its like the wind, I feel it, even if I do not see it, I know it is there.

As if am watching a movie, I see my life pass before my eyes, and you're there beside me, smiling, crying, laughing eating your favorite food.

I see you not with my eyes but with my heart.

It speaks about how much it misses you and how it longs to see you.

Sometimes he talks to some of my other body parts and I uncomfortably shift my hips from side to side at how excited they get, it even happens at a sales call when am with a client, it hits me like a truck and I can neither stop nor deny it.

It sings of you about love, its loneliness, at how happy a memory of you makes it.

And my brain nods in agreement, listening to my heart not minding the noise it makes because no matter how senseless and out of tune it gets; because it still speaks the truth.

I do not even mind the distance.

Hmmmm...

I think its like am playing a video game, I am sitting on a comfortable couch enjoying it with you.

As I see it in a borderless screen, I tell my feet to move forward, my hand to stir the cup so that I can drink my coffee.

Sometimes I enjoy the game at times I get bored with it.

But I always smile and feel the joy at seeing you sitting opposite the couch, and I will tell you a secret, often times I let you win, because I would rather see you happy than to feel victorious when I win the game.

That is how I love you, I am only happy when I know that I was funny. Funny for you.

I do not mind it at all, I cope well, and I would endure a million days like this.

For when I am truly with you life suddenly becomes a celebration.

Its a day filled with joy, excitement and extreme happiness!

Nothing else becomes important, but holding you, looking at you.

If am lucky kissing you!

I can not help it, I am writing about it now and I smile from ear to ear.

The rest of the world would envy me, if they knew that I dreamt about a girl, learn that she is real and am now expressing my love for her.

Seeing you, being with you is like a day filled with roller coaster rides, a day with enhanced senses, am like spider man!

"Its a bowl of apples and pineapples, buko, mango, melon", always loved that song.

hmmmm hmmmm hmmm what a delicious thought of a delicious subject.

If you think you make me happy your are wrong you are my happiness!

And to return the favor, I will make it my mission to always show you that life is like gummy jelly candy.

Unlimited Kettle Corn?

A billion exhilarating rides on a horse!

Crossing out each and every, of the 365 items in a particular book!

Buying a squarish leather chair.

Embotidos, Porkchop and Ampalaya!

I will make it my purpose to make you happy, make a dance move even if I look like a fool just to make you smile.

I will find the whitest, prettiest long white dress for you, and the most beautiful solemn church.

Sit beside you in an airplane.

Ride the toktok, a dinghy boat or ship just to see the reflection of the sun in your pearly white teeth.

Make you remember that everyday from now on, is a day that I declare and illustrate in zillions of ways how much I love you, and pledge to do so until the day that oxygen no longer sustains me.

Being with you is like magic plus one.

Being with you is living and dreaming combined.

Being with you is everything I have dreamed of and more.

And that is why I love you, you and only you...

no tears

2011-09-06T15:12:00.001-07:00

What am I doing, I have to stop.

I cant cry anymore.

Its pointless and useless.

What is this for, why does my eye bleed with water.

Am so stupid, this is a lot of nonsense.

What a bull of crap would you please just stop?!!!!

Rain, rain go away come again another day...

I hate the rain! I do not need it!

What am I doing??!!

Really why am I crying?!

I don't want to cry, please let them tears ran dry.

Its so unrealistic..

For even if they be like that in a storm.

EVEN IF! they accumulate in a pool as big as the ocean...

They can never show you, how deep and strong my love is for you.

You have no idea! You would never be able to measure it!

EVEN IF add you up, all the love songs, all the heart aches and all the poems in the world.

They would still fall short!

They can never equal!

My love for you that's Immortal...

So please, please. please please.

I beg of you PLEASE!!!

Just stop.

No more tears please, no more tears, no more no no no more...

30 days

2011-09-03T01:52:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how I smile without noticing that I was.

My left hand holding the steering wheel while my right on the shift stick and I do not even see the road.

People notice that I am happy, and my office mates agree with my current mood, even the clients seem to respond to the atmosphere at work very well.

I talk to individuals who inquire, sell credit card subscription or insurance and I do not seem to mind the sales call.

I now live with a singular wonderful thought.

You.

When I wake up and before I sleep, you are all I that I think of.

May it be the life that we will have together, our beautiful daughter or just you smiling, talking, holding your hands, hugging and kissing you, being with you...

Waiting for you as you walk down the isle.

Being with you is like magic, you need not be present to make me feel the way that I do.

A text, a call a picture of you gives all gives me the same happiness.

I wish everybody else shares the same love that we have.

Where each day or night is filled with endless dreams of each other.

Where I can read your mind as much as you can read mine, where I do not need to speak for you to understand what it was that I meant.

I am the luckiest man alive to have you in my life. Has it really been just 30 days? It sure feels longer, for I remember every moment, every detail.

Every whisper that that my heart gives to my soul, about sweet nothings and future plans, constantly beating, living, longing for you...

run

2011-08-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

I see red, I am out of breath, I do not know if I can go on...

I have been running all my life.

From what? I do not even know anymore...

Maybe I am just afraid.

As I run, I am even wondering if I can finish this race.

As you brush your teeth

2011-08-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

As you brush my teeth I am thinking, what is this feeling in me slowly creeping from my heart which forces a smile in my mouth.

What is that which makes the beat of my heart pound extra fast with the anticipation that I would see you over video in a few short minutes?

Hmmmmmmm... Is it just blood?

Or is there something else?

I know that my heart needs to pump blood to the rest of my body to survive...

But seeing you, being with you, has always been the reason why I want to live.

O you have no idea just how much it is that I love you, or may think that its not possible for me to think bout you constantly, all the time, every hour, every minute-second and millisecond.

I turn on my webcam and see you, look at your smile and my day is brighter, my smile is more wider.

Who would have thought that listening to the sound our your AC, as I wait for you to finish heat up your burger and prepare your morning coffee could give me so much joy?

Have we been doing this for a little over a month now? Every chance we get? Then why is it that I look forward to the next video and the next and the next...

Why is it that every time I see you seems like the first time?

The pupils in my eyes becomes larger and the details I see becomes crisp.

Tictakatatak tak tak tik tik.

You just write an email so pensive, looking distantly eating your burger.

Munching scratching your nose from time to time, and you look so adorable.

Wow, that is really fast typing!

But somehow it still does not match the speed of the beat that my heart makes because am looking at you.

I can not put a finger to it, except to tell you that, I am so in love with you...

Looking at you pouting your lips, exploring my imagination as I look at the strap of your sleeveless shirt, hoping that it would fall off, makes my spirit rise!

I want to taste your burger flavored lips, smell and plant kisses on your delectable neck. Hug you from behind and let you feel the pulse of my body member filled with excitement.

I do not mind looking at you do your chores, I feel ever more in love with you now than I did yesterday, thank you for letting me spy on you just now, look at me, look at me smile, you warm my heart and brighten up my day.

I love you Fey!

Your my deliciously lovely, hot and sexy, smart and intelligent Wifey!

I love you, you and you alone!

Hubby "By"

like a child...

2011-08-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

The world is bright; my morning is smiling and so am I.

I do not know how to call it, but it feels good, this feeling that is inside of me, it has no scent, nor has it any color.

It is great to not have any concerns right now all I do is smile and smile and smile.

This must be how it feels to have the natural high.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

What an amazing word, how could that be?

One simple word, three letters, how could it bring so much happiness?

It does...

I have been waiting for this for a long time, a lot has happened but all I can remember was when you said yes last night, what were we talking about?

O I remember, I was careful too in explaining what I meant, but you know what it does not even matter, all I see is the future.

I am excited, imagine what else we can do, what else we will do.

Look at my tenses, am I making sense right now?

I am scattered brain.

I want to do a lot of things all at once.

And I am jubilant with anticipation; for me to show you more, just how much it is that I love you.

Wait.... Did you say yes?

.

.

.

Yes it is confirmed I checked, the conversations that we had last night.

O how wonderful that felt, reading all your messages to me.

O, I just want to be clear, I did not forget, its just that it feels like a dream...

This feeling is surreal.

Its all I ever wanted, I am like a child at the eve of Christmas morning, waiting for Santa Claus, or climbing my first tree, experiencing the first joys, its like laughing for the first time, hearing music for the first time, tasting my first ice cream, its like all of the joys I ever felt rolled into one...

And more!

I have had so many relationships, yet it is only with you that I feel this way, can you blame me for not giving up?

Your my joy, my laughter, that early morning sunshine that touches my face which makes me want to get up to start my day. You are all I have ever wanted. You the love of my life. The reason why I want to live. My Happiness, my Glory, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I thank you for this feeling, I will be forever grateful, and will do things for you to show how, from today until the rest of my life.

You just wait, you will feel it everyday, every minute every second, both when you wake up and before you go to sleep and even while while you are sleeping.

Thank you, Thank you Thank you my Wifey.

Let me tell you, loving you feels more natural and more important than breathing...

While you were sleeping

2011-07-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

While you were sleeping thoughts started to form in my head

"I wondered, what it would be like to sleep at night and wake up in the morning with you by my side. To kiss your lips when your sleepy and kiss you before you open your eyes"

"I wonder what it would be like to hold your hand again as we move freely and openly for the world to see, I know how it felt then, and pray that I feel it again"

And then I wondered what if this that we share, will move forward to a higher level

"I still dream of you as the woman I will wait for, opposite that long isle, as you walk towards me in white with a smile so bright"

As I pondered, I could not help but be amazed at the quick pace that my heart took suddenly

I knew I was in an automobile, driving for the office but as I see the road, I see all these other thoughts as well

And I felt you there, in my head, in my heart I know, I know and I am proud that I am in love with you the woman I dream about

"To Share popcorn with you, while we watch your favorite show, and to eat Cheetos when we watch my cartoons"

My thoughts went on and on and it became hopes and wishes

"To hold you in my arms and kiss you gently, long and hard, to taste you"

I could feel the heat boil inside of me

" To be one with you and as I do so, my breathe becomes shallow and I would hear my heart pounding in my head, smell your feminine fragrance, be oblivious to the world and the night. Be in a place where nobody exists but you and me, where we won't hear any other sound around us except the soft murmur of our souls telling each other observations about the sweetness of the moment. And even though our eyes will be open our visions will be blurred by passion , as we engage in that magnificent duel where we will try and consume each others fires from within"

"Nothing else will be important but the cries and shouts that will wake the moon and startle the stars"

"The world will cease to exist and the only thing that will matter will be the puddle of sweat, that would taste salty and sweet"

It was then that I was taken away from my imagination when I heard a car horn blowing behind me.

I have to tame my thoughts, I would not want to cause an accident.

"How about the pretty dresses you will wear when your belly's a swell, at how much beautiful you will look because of the your inner glow and the voluptuous proportion of your body"

"At how many times a day I will tell you I do not mind the added weight and that you are still my deliciously lovely beautiful hot and Sexy Wifey"

"I can not begin to imagine the amount of pampering you will get, from me and everyone else because nothing else will be as priceless"

"Then I smile wider as I know I will guard you like a puppy, and take care of you like a chicken, as I accompany you to classes to practice your breathing"

"Not the Universe nor any medical team will be able to stop me from holding your hand, and be cautious of showing you that I too, am in pain with the way you squeeze my hand as if it were between a anvil and a hammer"

I looked out I noticed that I was almost at the office and felt disappointed because I did not want my day dream to end

But I told myself, not to worry, cause the world is young and the future is bright, I know I should be patient, so that the feeling will be more, when my dreams become real

So I parked my car and already I can see a client waiting for me, but I took one more look at that day dream that I was hooked and smiled, the kind that reaches my eyes.

Once again your thoughts made me happy, and I can't wait to return the joy that you give in ways you will never dream about

While your were sleeping, I felt my love for you grow and grows by the minute...

Your power over me

2011-07-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

As I sit down facing my laptop, looking at the snapshots that I took of you on our short video conversation.

And I can't believe how happy I am.

Stunned, repeatedly I move the arrows back and forth, viewing your beautiful photos, all of them perfect, all of them adding a hard pound on my chest, I try very hard disregard the tempo of the mouses sound as I shift from picture to picture, which rightly coincides to the beating of my heart.

Then I stop and stare and I can not move, I have to will myself to write to you and describe how I feel.

I close my eyes and feel the warmth that engulfs me, how does this feel?

I can hear my heart beat, even after we spoke even after you said you had to go to your cousins place.

I type and smile, I think and smile, I can no longer remove this smile that has been pasted on my lips ever since our last meeting, and I smile some more remembering the conversations we had just a while ago.

They were about your flight, they were about what you were eating, about how I got caught blowing you a kiss over the camera, they were everyday ordinary conversation which were made special and heartfelt because I was sharing them with you.

Why is it that I yearn to see you smile?

That I delight at the sound of your laughter?

I can now remember the kinds of dips and arches that your lips make when you speak when you are pensive when you kiss, when you sleep.

Why is it that I can not help but stare at you?

That I feel like you own me, and love how it feels?

Its you, only you, you have power over me.

You can ask me and I will say yes.

I would jump for you, roll over like a dog when you say so, swim the river of the Nile, climb mountains and be on foot for miles just to be near you.

Go ahead and take me, bring me to that place that we hold so dearly.

I come to you in complete surrender, I am yours all yours, body soul and spirit.

For this lifetime and the lifetimes that comes after that....

I am yours, I am yours....

The perfect date

2011-06-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that time shared in a videoke bar could hold such promise.

At first I tried to sing but I found it hard to focus on the lyrics because my eyes were drawn to you like a magnet.

So we ended up talking about a lot of things.

We spoke of everything and of nothing, both of us laughed constantly.

And then I told you that it was your turn to use the microphone but you told me that you were not drunk enough to even try.

So I ordered more drinks but none of them seemed to have an effect on us, so on it went the banter and the jokes and the drinks kept of coming.

After two hours, I gave up encouraging you to sing because you never seem to get intoxicated.

Just in time the intercom rang and we were asked if we wanted to extend but it was late so the waiter brought our bill and we left.

You were worried if I would still be able to drive so we stayed on the car chatting some more, and then it happened...

I felt it, it was there present, that feeling of warmth, its like there was an entity at the center of my heart, speaking.

I was at the drivers seat while you were in the passenger seat, I was careful to give you space, making sure that we had distance between us because I did not want to crowd you.

I kept talking because at that time you were suddenly quiet, I did not know what was happening and I felt the space of the car getting smaller and smaller by the minute.

Then the voice in me said,

"Kiss her", and I replied, "No I can't she might get angry".

I found it odd that I was having two different conversations, with you and with this voice inside of me yet, I understood everything, I was talking to you bout relationships, bout how I felt for you, how I think you were beautiful, how much I cared for what what happened to you, to us, and was happening still.

Until I realized that it was my heart speaking, and the feeling that I felt was of it rejoicing.

It was a weird experience, a good kind of weird.

I asked if you were okay. You smiled and nod your head in confirmation.

But you were so silent, I was worried I did not know what you were thinking, I was afraid that you would hear my thoughts, loudly speaking asking me to hold you, it wants to feel you in my arms, to smell your fragrant perfume and taste your lips.

It remembers how it felt then, and anticipates how it must feel now.

Like a radio, I tried talk some more, to divert your attention to the scene outside the car, I made you laugh and I was glad.

I had to fold my arms to contain myself from the demands of my heart, "Hold her hands, Touch her face, come on you know you want to feel her lips against yours", "Don't be an idiot and listen to me!"

It was shouting, so I kept looking at your lips, and I said, "If you are troubled, maybe a kiss would help?", but you said, "No", smiling in apology.

I smiled back, made it appear that I was joking, so I kept blabbing, about everything under the sun, I was like a comedian, my projectile of subjects can be compared to an uncontrollable machine gun, it was awkward, because I knew that what I really wanted was to kiss you.

My heart was shouting now, "Your not only an idiot your a coward, so what if she slaps you it will be worth it!", I was in deep turmoil so I looked out, took a deep breathe and said, "Can't you feel it?", in silence another nod, the atmosphere by this time became thick, so thick you can slice it with a knife, both our breathes became shallow then without warning, you kissed me.

And what can I say?

It the greatest surprise of my life.

I am not capable of describing how that felt. I do not posses enough knowledge to come up with the right words to explain the joy I felt when that happened!

The closest I can come up with is an analogy.

Do you know how loud fire alarms get, when you hear the sirens of those red trucks that come rushing in the streets to get to the burning house? Or the way you those blasted bells loudly explodes and destroy your serenity in the middle of a fire drill.

Well...

Multiply this by a zillion, to the zillionth power and that is how it felt, only this time instead of the red flag showing the message Danger! Danger! Danger!

It displayed HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! in bold rainbow colored letters!

Oh I wanted to shout! To break into song, "O happy days! O happy days! like how the cast in Glee would break into song when they felt like it, I wanted to dance mixed steps of Mamboo, Swing and Tango but I did not because its a physical impossibility and I would surely get injured.

And we did not speak much after that, we just kissed and we kissed and we kissed some more...

Never have I experienced a date like that.

When I went home in the early morning of the next day, I realized that it really isn't the activity that makes a date great.

Its the person whom you are with.

With you, I have to tell you, that date was perfect...

Thinking about it now, I know what really happened.

My heart was not only cajoling me to kiss you, it was speaking to yours as well.

And yours spoke back.

They were happy, being together was like a celebration for them.

A reunion of two hearts meant to be together.

Like children they had no other concern than to hold each other tight and rejoice for that sweet moment given to them and our souls gave them permission.

Isn't that great?

We do not even have to talk. We can just stare at each other or kiss all day and hug and we would still be Euphoric.

I still smile, when I think about it and often wonder, while your away, why is it that when I think of you my heart smiles like it has found the reason to beat?

And the answer is, because you are its reason, its purpose, its drive and and its passion...

You own my heart and I yours and of course we share half a soul each..

I miss you Ganda I hope you like this one :).

You

2011-06-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

You're like food

You're like water

You're like Fuel

You are fire

You're my spirits will that drives me to do better

You are why I look forward to living

You are the why that I exist

Without you I am nothing, the world would just be a big black ball filled with events that transpire like limbo

You're my muse

You are my Goddess

I bow before you a willing slave always yearning to please you

Asking, prodding, thinking of gifts to offer you

Challenging the bounds of my creativity to come up with ways to satisfy your every need

I am only happy knowing that I made you happy

You are color, you are butterfly, you are flower, you are sweet intoxicating delicious fragrance

You're the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that I will always chase after

Sugar, spice and all that's nice

The reason for all my smiles, the content of all my laughter

You are my past, my present and my future

The memory I treasure, the pearl I want to keep, the mountain I will climb

You are who you are

A Wonder

A Surprise

A Vision

A PARADISE

I dare not change you, Never will I alter you

Your a perfect creation and I adore you

You the music I hear in my head

And the dance I have in every step

You are warmth

You are silk

You are pleasure

You are ecstasy

You are my love

You are my life

A different kind of dance...

2011-06-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

I saw you and my heart pumped hard

I thought I was having a heart attack

What was it about you that made me react that way?

In an air-conditioned room the temperature seemed to heat up fast, I could feel the warmth growing at my center

My face flushed

I tried to catch your eye but you paid no attention to me

I knew I had to talk to you so I followed you and in accident I am glad I made you smile

You shut the door of the van in my face and hit my arm, you said sorry and in pain I smiled a warriors smile

My hand was sure to bruise but my heart was victorious

Somebody introduced us, and while I was making small talk, I was already daydreaming, plotting our first date

My friends would laugh at me if they knew that it was in a church that we went first, I came from a catholic school but I seldom speak about my convictions; am sure they will be amused

Then came the endless days that I wonder about what you were doing, was I doing the right things to maintain your interest? Was I amusing enough? Were you telling a joke-should I laugh? Was it okay if I send you Candies and biomine on your long trip? Was it too early to ask you out for a movie?

Was I always staring at you? Was I bothering you by calling you every night until the wee hours of the morning and talking bout sweet nothings and nonsensical details about how our days went?

And then you said yes, to a question that has been perennially present in my head

I remembered it vividly, our first kiss was in a Cab, I asked you if I could, but you did not answer, I was nervous so I took a dive. I leaned my head towards you but

you did not move, you were looking into my eyes, slowly gradually I got closer, I could hear my heart pumping in my ears again, it seemed like an eternity to get to your lips

The more you I got closer the longer it seemed

And like a volt of electricity, sparks started flying when you replied with your own lips, its true what you see in cartoons, the plants and the bees seems to materialize before your eyes, dialogue boxes appear out of nowhere, its like the universe has conspired to make that moment happen. I could see you in the darkness I could feel you, I could smell you and my days became even better as we went on as us

Early on, I was told as a child that we have our 5 senses and serves specific functions. We see with our eyes, we smelled with our nose, we tasted with our tongue, we hear with our ears and felt with our skin

With you it was different for I know, that I only need to close my eyes and think about you and I could see, hear, touch, smell and feel you

I swear even my heart can speak, it talks about you and I hear it

I was in love, what a magical state. What a great and wonderful feeling

I like music and with you, the melody was perfect

Have I told you? All of these?

Did you know, that when I held your hands, I could feel not only your hands, but your entire life vibrate with mine?

We were meant for each other, it was only with you that my soul would rejoice at that sight and thought of you

And then ended...

I was nothing then, was in a place of black void, called existence. Downhill I tried my best to cope. I was half a note, half a soul, I never felt more incomplete.

Then I would receive a phone call and my spirits would rise. Then a meeting and I would be jubilant. You say you do not want to see me and tell me later how miserable you are that you didn't.

I try to call but and you do not answer yet you tell me that you wished you had.

I smile even when am sad because you say that the world has spoken that we are not meant to be, but if you look closer, you would see that it is the opposite, the world has decided long ago that you and I were supposed to be together yet we have not listened, take this for instance how is it that after all these years I love you more than I loved you then

It has been so long, so so so long

Like this letter

Still even you can not bear, not writing when I don't write

And not thinking about me even if you tried

But go ahead and take your time, find the answer to your uncertainties

I am just here, I will wait cause I already know

You will be the one I end up with, its as true as tomorrow the sun will surely rise, and when its raining, it does not mean that it is not there

I have found you and I will not let go, from this day on until the sun no longer shines, I will only dance with you and that is the end of it.

Do you like adventure?

2011-05-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

If you are like a friend of mine who always goes on trips and does not know how to ask directions because he is shy to do so.

It may be best to get directions from a map.

Rather than buying one from a bookstore why don't you check the online maps like:

Mapquest for Canada

I made an entry in my other blog to make sure that the clients I have sent to Canada are well guided.

At present they enjoy trips every weekend.

just get up

2011-05-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

When you find yourself out of breath...

When you stumbled and fell so many times, in this race called life...

Just get up and keep running, God will give you your second wind, and your third and your fourth and your...

-Jay Araneta

your hotline

2011-05-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

Even if the world seems such a big place sometimes, if even your friends doesn't seem to hear your calls for attention to fill the endless void of your loneliness remember that there is somebody who will always listen.

Bow your head and close your eyes.

Speak your thoughts.

He will always will always be there for you.

He is your father - your brother - your true best friend.

Pour out all your sorrow, dish out all your grief.

He will guide you and care for you.

No problem will be too much or too little.

For the lords love is great he takes care of everyone.

By his grace you will feel the emptiness inside you filled.

Call unto him in prayer, go ahead he is waiting for you.

Let his light shine on you and warm up your tired and weary soul...

COOL OFF LYRICS (SESSION ROAD)

2011-05-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Type rest of the post here

Viber free text and call for IPhone users at viber.com

2011-04-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

My sister Rosette Natalia recently sent me a link viber.com.

It contains a cool Iphone application that lets you send SMS messages and call Iphone to Iphone for free.

That is right for free!

It is similar to push apps for smart phones which is I am sorry to say, not yet available in the Philippines.

Getting my new Iphone 4 of late made me aware of the vast available applications for smart Phones.

I opted not to have my Iphone 4 jail broken for reasons that it may result to severe irreparable damage to my beloved phone.

So I pay for applications.

Amongst the many I have tried, I enjoy the following applications:

Viber
Angry Birds
Holy Bible
Asphalt 5
Spiderman
Tunewiki

I have been using smart phones for years now and I really like the Iphone 4, it is the best one so far, comparing it from all the Smartphones I used.

Anyway, if you have an Iphone wheter its Iphone 3gs or Iphone 4, Viber is a must, just visit viber.com to download.

You are my...

2011-04-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

Why was it that my heart drummed twice as fast when I saw you last and almost stopped beating when you said your goodbye?

Was it only yesterday that you left? No,it wasn't but it surely feels that way.

I can still feel the pain of loosing you, and can not brush off the memory of the beautiful kiss that we shared.

You said that I have to forget you, insisted that you are not the same woman I knew; I tried but why do our paths cross

everytime we thought we have already let go?

You are far from me, but I feel your nearness.
Not physically of course but a supernatural proximity that only my heart can explain.

I think about you everyday even if I try not too, and learn even without asking, the things that are happening in your

life.

It's like we live parrallel worlds.

We have done a lot to be away from each other. Yet our experiences seem to bring our lives closer.

Why do we fight it?

This must be what they meant about fate.

We have no choice about the matter.

Do not lie to me, I know that you were happy with me than with anyone else.

Do not deny it, my heart saw it in your eyes.

Its an absolute fact.

I have loved you the first time I saw your shadow, and have not stoped doing so.

My guess is, I will love you even after my heart stops beating.

Don't you feel it? This energy that draws us closer, its bigger than both of us.

Don't you understand what the world is telling you?

It is no longer up to us.

You and I both are each others destiny.

We can only delay the inivitable, but in the end, you and I, will still become one.

my love is dangerous

2011-02-27T22:25:00.000-08:00

Are you sure you are prepared to receive the answer to the question that you are asking?

Are you crazy enough or strong enough to feel the power of that which you want to measure?

How much do I love you?

You have no idea about the impossibility of what you are asking for.

How can the amount or volume of something so pure, that which that has a life of its own, be determined?

An entity separate from life, a source of energy so infinite that it transcends death itself.

Can you count the rain drops in a storm as it falls to the ground?

Or the stars as they blink up above the skies?

The magnitude of water in the ocean?

If you can, then I am telling you now, I love you more.

Look into my eyes and stare at my soul. Do you see the core of my being?

It speaks only of you.

About the bottled up love that stays constant.

Endless and always yearning.

I have to write about it, an outlet for my never ending desire to be with you.

A hot magma ready to explode at the sight of you.

It is a good thing that I do not have super powers. Else if I shout my love for you to the heavens it would tear apart Olympus into half.

How much do I love you?

More than you could ever imagine. More than peanut butter and Jelly. More than I love me.

The letters of the alphabets is not enough to describe the way that I feel about you.

But I can show you.

Come and be with me. The place where you truly belong.

Feel my warmth.

Hold my hands and I will take you to a place where you will forget even your name.

And truly understand that nothing else really matters.

But you and me...

Happy new year!! Welcome 2011!!

2011-01-01T03:26:00.000-08:00

Happy new year to every one!
Take joy in the fact that this can be your year! It does not matter when you were born, or from where. Happiness is within your reach, you can get what ever it is that your heart desires, but only if you want to. Only you can help reach your dreams, make a plan and take action! Think of Today like the beggining of the last days of your life. Cherish your time with friends families and loved ones!

Love on rewind

2010-10-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

And the world faded, I could feel my broken life being mended, I don’t know, I don’t know what to say?

It’s an incomparable feeling, it’s pure love passing like - electricity flowing, when I held your hands I did more than just touch your hands I touched your heart.

It was dark or dim, I could hardly see your face.

I was glad, I was happy, I swear I heard the slow beat of the drums, but no twas the center of my being setting up the tune, for the song that was playing and continuously repeating inside my head.

With a shout so loud I could barely hear the sound but I know, cause I felt, that it was your name.

What is the chance of an arrow in shooting the hearts of two people, inside a place, in a cove of an island with no people passing, O I see the horizon brewing gloomy clouds a sign of the storm that is sure to come.

If I could I would, I wish I can record the time we have together so I can rewind and play it all the time, the movie that is only in my mind.

Your confused, you said you don’t know what to do.

But it’s okay, I will wait for the time when your heart will skip and beat in the same rhythm as mine, that is more than just triple time, o yes, believe me I will rewind and play it all the time.

Yes I am sure, it’s okay, my love is Colossus, you don’t even have to worry about it’s power.

No don’t you dare to shake your head and pout your Lucius lips, cause I know, let me tell you, what I have is more than solar power.

If your wondering I will tell you, it was not a dream, the kiss was for real.

It was, I remembered what others only dream of, we are lucky we have lived it, so please don’t you argue.

Don’t you think too much about it, there is no logic to explain how it felt. I will try but I know, I won’t summon enough power to describe such a kiss, that is indeed like no other.

But I know, don’t you worry I understand how you feel.

It is easy to doubt if its pure fantasy, such a kiss, that we only hope for to get, in that world that we go to, after we say our prayers for the night.

It was wonderful, it was bliss I know it was dreamy.

It was refreshing, that it felt like, fresh air when your drowning.

When I arched my lonely head I thought I’d be disappointed when you bowed your head, I thought that you wouldn’t.

What joy when you looked directly in my eyes and was drawn to a force stronger than gravity, then you gathered enough courage to meet me half way.

It’s the closest that I would get to happiness in a bottle, I wanted to shout, I wanted to jump, to run, to act with extreme jubilation!

It was like fire; it was like ice when your lips finally touched mine.

I know that I did not only kissed your lips I kissed your soul and you, you branded mine.

After your lips, there will be no other.

If I could I would, I wish I can record the time we have together so I can rewind and play it all the time, the movie that is only in my mind.

I think am in love...

2010-09-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

There is something about you that I can not put a finger on.

You were made different and you were made just for me.

I know it from the bottom of my heart, I react to you differently than anybody or anything that I have ever encountered.

I long for you, yearn for you.

You smell good, my mouth waters when I see you.

I want you, I have to have you.

Ohhh what feeling is this that you do to me??!!

Am I in love? I think I'm in love!

I have to hold you, put you in my arms and rip you open.

Then I will put you on the tip of my lips and savour your blissfull taste...

CHEETOS CRUNCHY CHEDDAR JALAPENO, even your name - your label is a delictable experience for me as it escapes my mouth.

You are mine all mine, I will grab you from the grocery isle and bring you home.

Be alone with you.

Dim the lights, click the controls of the Component and open the televission.

Then I will spend quality time with you.

You have no idea what you do to me, your crisp, crunchy, hot and spicy taste makes me close my eyes when I pop you inside my mouth and makes me think happy thoughts.

I promise to consume you, all of you, I will not leave any morsel for the mouse to feed on.

Lick you from my fingers and even from the insides of the aluminum bag that contains you.

This time I will be selfish. I will only share you to the woman of my dreams.

My sould mate.

What is the probability of me finding that person? A million to one?

My only regret is, my greatest disappointment with my self is that I can finish you only after 3 days after I opened you up.

What a Woos!

But you know what?

I do think of you. From the moment I leave for work in the morning; I sometimes even imagine you alone, waiting for me inside the cold conditions of a refrigerator.

Wait for me, the day is almost over and we will again spend time together.

I can not wait my one and only CHEETOS CRUNCHY CHEDDAR JALAPENO....

Prophecy of love

2010-09-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

Hi how are you doing? Are you alright?

Yes I am talking to you, there is only the two of us here, so there is no point in looking behind your back and find out who am talking to.

That is right, I am talking to you.

So you think that you are at the lowest point of your life.

Do not be ashamed, I understand how you feel, you see, I am a kindred spirit we are on the same boat, I too am a recent resident in the “Land of the heartbroken”.

Everything will be okay you know, it just seem like your world has ended, but one day you will wake up without that gripping pain in your heart.

It is really painful isn’t it?

It’s like there is a hole inside your heart, a hollow spot that keeps on getting bigger and bigger.

Then your brain freezes loosing focus, because it insists that you just think about that which you want to forget.

That pain that does not allow you to move, eat, work and think.

Do not fight it; allow yourself to morn your loss. Retreat to the privacy of your room and cry.
So why did he or she leave you?

Why were you replaced? Why is career more important than you?

What did you do wrong?

How could he or she be unhappy, when you dedicated your life and made them the Center of your Universe?

You gave him or her everything and this is how they repay you?

Why did he or she do this to you?

You may beat yourself up in asking yourself the same questions but the truth is you will never find the answer.

Even if they answered when you asked, you will not accept that answer because what you really want is to kiss and make up and pretend that everything is “k” okay.

Why do they have to insult your intelligence by saying, “It’s not you, it’s me”?

No matter how much you disliked hearing that, it’s the most truthful statement that you will ever get from this failed relationship.

It really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with this person wanting to move on.

You are no longer significant, nothing you will say or do will change this persons mind.

This is also why you are better off without this person in your life.

Do not argue with this person, do not threaten, do not insist that they take you back. Even if they finally agreed to what you want, nothing good will come out of these efforts.

Will you be able to forget why you got back together? Would you not constantly think that you are only together again because you forced them to take you back?

So what do you do?

Pray.

Pray for acceptance.

Ask him to make you accept that this has happened.

You do not need to understand why, you just need to learn how to accept it.

Ask him to take care of your “X”.

Ouch! Was that painful for you?

Did referring to your X as an X hurt?

That is correct he or she is already your X.

Like a mantra, you should constantly remind yourself that you and Mr. and Ms. Blank are no longer together.

Repeat after me, “I (your name) am no in a relationship with (Mr. or Ms. BlanK).

Now repeat what you have just said.

Repeat it again, and again, and again…

Every time you think about the break up, remind yourself that is over and you will feel more calm.

Write down your basic tasks for the day and revert to it. Command yourself to do them.

Buy groceries

Go to Work; Call ___; Email ___

Iron your Clothes
Wash the dishes

Take a look at your car ewwww is that an automobile? Or mud in wheels? Clean it.

Look at your refrigerator. What is that brownish black thing at the back of your expired milk?

Take it out.

In other words keep yourself busy.

Remember, before you and X got together, you were living your life alone and you were alright; you will be okay.

Now try to smile. Just smile.

How did that feel? Do it again.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Smiling once in a while also helps.

This is temporary. As I said, you will wake up one day, without this enormous weight that you carry in your heart.

Learn from your mistakes.

The reason why you broke up is because both of you were not ready for that relationship. No matter what you think, you were part of the problem.

You may have quarrelled a lot, or it may have been the little things that escaped your attention.

Your money problems getting in the way of becoming happy.

Whatever it was you were not ready to make the necessary compromise, trust blindly, and communicate well.

Make the effort to get back to your old self. Apologize to your friends for not giving them enough attention, make new friends and most importantly spend quality time with your family.

Besides you have to be okay, it’s your responsibility.

You owe it not only to yourself but to the person who you are destined to grow old with.

It’s a good thing that you and X broke up, simply put it was not meant to be.

There is somebody else who is being molded for you, just you are being molded for her or him.

This person will be the one to bring you the happiness that you deserve.

It is this person who will speak to you by just looking at you.

Say volumes with just a smile.

This person who will hold you and comfort you and look at you like you are the most wonderful or beautiful person in the entire world.

When you will look at her or him your senses will be enhanced; because of the love that you share the colors would seem brighter, you would feel your love at the ends of your fingertips, the food would tastes tastier. You will feel a combination of love, happiness and ultimate satisfaction.

One day, you will look back at this day and smile.

When you get to this point of your life, thank your X, pray that he or she too has found the love and happiness that you have.

Now try and get some sleep, I promise you everything will feel much better in the morning.

If, only this was the last time

2010-07-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

This is the last time that I will ever think about you...

The last time that I will wonder what else I may have done to keep you in my life.

Is this my fate?

To dissect each memory of you; that are like sands that flows in an hourglass that loops to infinity.

These involuntary thoughts that intrudes in both my sleeping and waking hours.

There is no stopping it, a thought of you would hit me and my heart begins to overpower my brain.

In a trance the world before me disappears, and I escape to a place filled flashes of the times that I have spent with you.

I remember even the most smallest of detail, nothing evades my minds sadistic scrutiny.

A gush of emotions sweeps me away, and I take everything in, the happiness, the sadness and the pain of my longing.

I am powerless.

You are my preferred poison I do not care about the perils that comes after, only the induced Euphoria that I embrace with my arms wide open, that is here and now.

It is here that I beat myself into thinking of what may have been the things I have committed that pushed you away.

It breaks my heart to remember the tears you have shed because of me. I wish I could make amends one last time.

If only I could, I would kiss your eyes hoping to wipe those tears and make it stop from flowing so that I can enjoy staring at your lovely eyes.

I would hold you and never let go.

I would hold; carry you; look at you and let my eyes tell you; my smile describe to you the fire in my soul that burns for you with passion.

I would embrace and protect you nothing will harm you, I will make you lean on my chest and allow my heart to leap in jubilation, for being close to its mistress.

I hope you did not forget, I gave him to once to you and since then it only beats for you.

What was it? Please tell me.

Help me from becoming insane, I think about nothing else but you.

Did you not like those rose petals? Was I a pretentious cook?

Was I wrong in giving you those pills that will help control your dizziness in travel for your intended trip, before I even learned your last name?

Please tell me, and stop this noise in my mind, loud thoughts shouting, blaming me for letting you go.

I did try you know? I made it my responsibility to make you happy. I have been wrong I know, but at the time, I was only thinking about you when I gave in to your plans in going after your dreams.

I know, I made the wrong decision.

Even if you did not tell me, I should have made you stay, maybe then both of us would have been happier.

Thank you for let me write these, thank you for listening, I may have calmed down enough to think that all of these really does not matter.

Its too late isn't it?

I do not even know where you are anymore, you have moved on and left me.

All I know is I am lost, and I can not reach you, heck it feels like you are just a few miles from the Sun.

If only, if only...

I could have been the Man that you wanted me to be, guessed every little thing that you wanted then maybe, I would have been the man that you decided to end up with.

Ang kamandang sa alindog ni Katelyn

2010-07-15T02:00:00.000-07:00

Si Katelyn (di tunay na pangalan), bata, masiyahin, maganda at madaming kaibigan.

Palangiti, palakaibigan, hindi mataray.

Sa mata ng marami? Siya isang karaniwang Babae, pero ang katutohanan ay napakalayo sa inaakala ng madaming tao.

Dahil sa bawat kembot ng kanyang bewang, sa bawat kindat ng kanyang mga pilik mata, maraming lalaki ang natutulala, napapa tunganga at marahil mahigit sinkwenta porciento ang napapariwara.

O Katelyn, anong meron ka? Anong Hiwaga ang taglay ng mapupula mong labi!

Ang iyong kagandahan ba ay tinuturing mong Biyaya or sumpa?

Marahil ikaw ay natutuwa pag nakita mong nakatitig ang mapuputi at matitipunong mga lalaki sa hubog ng iyong katawan, pero ano ang iyong naramdaman noong pilit na kinukuha ng kuya mong guardia ang iyong numero sa makabago mong Telepono, o di kaya noong ikay nilapitan ng isa pang Guardia sa SM Mall of Asia ang sinabing, "Miss parang .... and .... Mo..."

Ano ang kaakit akit mong katangian? Iyon ba ay iyong mabilis na pananalita? O di kaya ang kakaiba mong pamamaraan sa pag sayaw, kaakit akit nga ba ang gayahing sumayaw si Cleopatra?

Saan nabibighani mga maggandang lalaking binata, na halos lahat sila ay nag sisiksikang maki text sayo sa umaga, tanghali, hapon at Gabi?

Hindi ko alam, ang sagot sa mga tanong na aking nasabi.

Hindi ko din tiyak ang dahilan kong bakit ko sinulat ang liham na ito.

Marahil ito ay pahayag or isang malaking babala.

Nais ko lamang ulitin ang aking Mensahi.

Sa mga kinauukulan:

May Kamandag ang Alindong at pagkatao ni Katelyn...

love your imperfections

2010-07-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

Do not fret, I am fine.

I really don't mind, I am okay.

You can talk to me about anything, even about him.

I will try my best to be objective, I promise.

I give good advice, you know that, I always did.

I am no longer bothered by the stabbing pain in my heart when I hear you call his name. I have grown used to it.

I love you, what can I say. I am stupid to my friends but I do not care.

I will do what it takes to keep you in my life. I will be what you want me to be. I will wait, be your shoulder to cry on, be your shock absorber.

I will not mind that you do not think about my feelings anymore, or always listen when you say " I am sorry to be telling you this but I do not have anybody else to talk to".

I remember the time when it was me you loved, and I am blessed. I think about it and I can still feel your warmth, your care, your gentle hands and your soft sweet lips.

It is not your fault that I kept on loving you when you decided to move on.

It is my choice, and I am happy to be alone.

I am to blame, I can not stop loving you; you do not have to say anything I have enough love for you to last me a million lifetimes.

You have always been skittish, indecisive and confused... Even up to now.

You are not perfect, I know.

But it is your imperfections that makes you, you.

That is why I would say that your imperfections makes you perfect, perfect for me anyway.

I am a fool I know, but I am your fool.

I have been missing you

2010-06-03T00:23:00.000-07:00

I can not begin to describe how much I have missed you.

Not a day has passed that I did not think about you.

You are a vision in blue, what great joy it was that I felt when I saw you again.

My heart skipped a beat when I laid eyes on you, the fine curves of your body that beacons me to touch you, I can not wait to be inside you once again, and ride you to my hearts content.

To be one with you, to hold you and steer you to the direction that we want to go. To feel your every vibration, to push you to your limits - our limits, to dash and exhilarate as our heart pounds and pounds till we reach our zone, that one place where nothing else matters but the blurred vision that lays before us, and reaching that place that we have set on reaching.

I am sorry, I was wrong, but you should believe it when I say, that I never wanted to hurt you.

I know, the damage is done, we are both penalized with my bad decision.

I promise to be more careful now, I will adapt a more slower pace, never will I hurt you again.

I will take good care of you, I promise.

That Song...

2010-03-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

I know of a song, but I can not say its lyrics... I know it well, but the language is not one that I know of.

The tune is sweet.

The melody carries and lifts me to a place.

To our place.

The one that only the two of us know.

That special place that we used to go to, when the tips of our fingers touched, and were transported to our very own Shangrila, our Utopia.

Nothing else seemed to matter then.

The song that keeps on repeating in my head, in a Language that only the heart can understand.

When I close my eyes and listen to it, I fell the warmth of our embrace, your soft sweet scent, and the softness of your lips.

I know of a song, but I can not say its lyrics.

But I remember it well, and so should you, after all...

The song is about you.

Sex and the City

2010-03-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

There are some movies that I would not be caught dead watching.

But I once saw Campus Girls, a local, flick because of a girl in college who wanted to see it. The movie was a mess, the funny part is, my aunt who was also watching the movie, saw me in the movie house, the worst part is, the week after I attended a reunion, and I got teased by my cousins, they never stopped asking me how did I found Campus girls. The question, at the that time was always followed with laughter.

A man's life, it seems, revolves around women.

We want to get rich, be thin, have hair, play a guitar for the attention of women.

Much for I would say, for the women we love.

So, here I am, just finished watching Sex and the City the movie, at 130am, just because it reminded me of someone.

The conclusion, I hated it, but finished watching it all the same.

Why?

Not because the story line or the acting is bad, in fact it was decent, its just that they ended it with happily ever after.

I hated, it because, even if I wanted it too, this never happened to me.

And I never had a choice in the matter, I was judged and everything was decided without the benefit of asking me.

O well, that is life I guess.

Its a fairy tale story. I hated it because, well, why couldn't it happen to me?

The Final Goodbye

2010-03-05T04:25:00.000-08:00

He sat on his swivel chair motionless for several minutes. He forgot to blink, almost did not realize that he was not taking in air. Not believing the two emails that he just read.

"She replied... She actually replied"

When all his thoughts attacked his fickle mind at the same moment, he found it hard to understand what he was thinking. With the sheer volume of ideas that came flooding in, it was as if his mind went blank. His senses failed him, at one moment he could not see the objects before him, only the vision of her smiling, saying the words that was written in the emails that he was reading.

What sweet words, the very ones that he was longing to to hear for a long time. That smile that always erased all the pain, those lips that did not only touched his lips, but used to kiss the pains of his heart away. That infectious smile that was like a mirror to everybody who sees it.

It was the most potent weapon in her arsenal, if only a smile could kill she would have been the most highest paid assassin. For when that smile was directed at you, you would have no choice but to comply with the wishes of the user. It was that smile that used to quell all his anger, to tame the monster inside of him. That smile she used to make him do her bidding.

There was a sad smile on his lips, when he remembered those times. Happy times, Euphoric. She was not bad, he was a willing slave. He was addicted to her. He still is.

He willed himself to stop reading the messages over and over again. But it was so difficult.

How he wished the emails will not end in the way that it did, with those words... "Goodbye"

He did not doubt, the sincerity of the letter, "She means well"; "maybe she will get married soon", is what he thinks, everybody else seems to be getting married these past few months.

It really did not matter, it was too late.

He wanted very much to write her back, there was so much he wanted to say, he deliberated on it for some time but, the post script contained a request that says, "Please do not reply anymore..."

He was confused, the things that she wrote in the messages were finally of the same context as his arguments before, when they broke up. "Our love was different"; "She appreciated those scattered petals", "She loved the electrifying hug that I missed so much, as much as I do"; "Our love could not be measured with conventional and unconventional units of measure"; "She remembers Mr. Car and her mark on him"; "She knows that I loved her much more that I love myself"; " She loved me too, as much as she could at one point of our failed relationship"

"So what happened?"

"Why did we end?"

"Why was I not given another chance?"

"If she misses me, and sees me as different from all the statistics, then why did she decide to forget about the promises they made?"

He dwelt on these questions, and others that kept on hammering his head, but knew that most of these questions were a dead end.

They had been asked many times before, but he never liked the answers, because all that he really needed to hear from her was. "I am sorry, I love you I want to be with you again"

That would have made it right for him, that would have been the best day of his life, but those words never came.

He remembers all of his efforts were futile. He knew he was powerless, she has already decided and nothing could change her mind.

For a long time, he hoped for them to be together again. Day in and day out he thought of nothing else but her.

Until one day, when he has found out that she was in love with another person.

On that day that his world crumbled down, and he died one more time. He wrote a letter to her, bidding her well and saying his final goodbye.

For even if there is nothing in the world that would please him more than to have her in his arms again. He knows that the degree of love that he has for her will not permit, that he forces her to accept him in her life. If it was truly what she wished for, if it was what will make her happy... Then like a cliche he would have to set her Free.

"Anyway", he said to himself, "I have I have always let her do the things that she thought will make her happy" he knows that it was always the way he treated her.

He always placed her at a pedestal away from from anybody's reach, she always came first, Her happiness was his priority.

This is inevitable, its just the way things go, maybe this an ending to a chapter of his life...

Maybe the amount of happiness that was allotted for him was already used up, when they were still together.

In their case, absence did not make the heart grow fonder. Too bad. How he wished that his dreams were a reality and his reality were merely dreams.

In the letter she said, that she also had mixed emotions cause even if she prayed for him to move on, a part of her knew that the goodbye would also mean she will loose him forever.

This is a statement that he could agree with.

He had to say something, but how? When there was an explicit request not to reply anymore.

When no bright thought came to him, he took breath and whispered very softly, talking to the smiling vision of her in front of him.

Wishing that he could touch her pretty face as he spoke, hoping, yearning to see her again...

In his quiet whisper on that usual sad smile, he said:

" You just don't get it do you?

I already gave you my heart. I am yours, I fell in love with you almost at first sight. I remeber how it started, it was at that day that you slammed the door in my face by accident." He almost laughed out load, remembering the incident, " And I fell deeper in love with you every day after that."

As he slowly proceeded with his monologue, his face grew serious once again and he said, "When you left, my heart was already at the point of no return, I could not have stopped loving you, even if I died when you broke up with me, I would just have continued on loving you from the underworld."

He shifted his weight and adjusted his swivel chair, as he continued with an apologetic whisper, "Out of frustration at not being able to control the situation, I may have said things that hurt you and I am sorry. But those never meant that I have stopped loving you." He said so sincerity.

Unconsciously, he took his lighter and a cigarette but noticing that he inside the office, he put them back at his trousers. Then he continued.

"I see that you are still confused. I see that a portion of you still longs for the kind of happiness that we shared. That a tiny voice in your head was always, leading you back to me but you never gave it a chance. I was angry about that too. But not anymore.

This is your Life W____...

Its your decision, do whatever makes you happy, I shall not force you to accept me into your life, like the way I used to. I will respect your decision. I will give you as much of a space as you need."

He paused, and tried to calm down, he could feel his emotions rising up, but he managed to control it in time.

He stared straight into the eyes of her imagined someone, she seemed so real, she was listening, the way she used to, he imagined that she too was somber waiting for what he had to say next.

Then he continued,

"But don't you ever think that you will loose me, you have my heart, you brought it with you when you left, it is a pity that you misplaced it. Because it knows only you... You and you alone...

Do you remember? That day, when I told you to take good care of it? It was at that time, when you said yes, that I gave it to you...

I did not have any choice about how I would feel after that because it has made you his mistress and obeys only you... I did care for the pain that time brought upon me, or the perennial longing to be with you again.

Despite the suffering of being left alone and being replaced, I was only really angry because you did not want me anymore.

But even if I tried to fuel my anger with hate, I could not sustain it, because I can not stop my heart from loving you, it was no longer mine to command, because it has already chosen who to side with, my heart could not see your flaws, it only knew that it was only with you that it could trully be happy.
'

Forcing himself to smile, he feel the muscles in his face tighten, when he said, "Now, like a fool I am trying to be happy for you, because I know that that would please you.

Not wanting to be misunderstood, he added, "Do not worry, I will not wait for you, just as you have made it to be, you are free.

But when the day, comes that that little voice, shouts at you and you finally listen to it. You should not hesitate, just find me and embrace me and everything will be forgotten, everything will be alright. Do not be sad about what I am telling you, I am happy. I am happy for you.

Your a silly little girl, to think that you will loose a portion of your soul... I still believe that despite my better judgment, I mean it, it is the way that I feel.

I maybe a fool, but I am your fool..."

And as typed the final period, he stopped and reviewed what he wrote, he stretched his neck to ease the tension that was building up from writing such a lengthy letter.

He was surprised to see that the people in his cubicle was staring at him, then he felt it. The familiar heat of his tears trickling down his face. He did not know that he was crying as he wrote, it isn't new, it has been that way for a long time now, involuntary tears...

So he wiped his tears and made the mandatory smile to his office mates.

Stooped down his desk and clear it as he prepared to leave the office for the day, and all the while he could hear his thoughts saying:

"Goodbye.... Goodbye.... Goodbyee my love, my heart, my love goodbye, Goodbye goodbye goodbye...."

Another PR Visa Application Story

2010-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

I met an applicant, Ms. Ronna De Castro who applied for a Canadian Visa even if she was still working in Saudi Arabia.

This is a narration of what transpired in her Canada application.

Type rest of the post here

The Thief

2010-02-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

There is a thief that I know...

He is sly and cunning. He makes me do things for him.

I am his willing slave. With just a pat in the back, a simple smile of encouragement, a silky whisper of a promise, I am drawn to do his bidding.

He steals not money nor things of Value.

Rather he robs me of my youth, he darkens my future and takes away the most valuable possession I have.

My potential of becoming a man.

I hate him with a fervor.

But no matter what I do I can do nothing to him because the thief is me.

Monster

2010-02-16T16:08:00.000-08:00

There's a monster inside of me.

It usually sleeps, but when it awakens it causes havoc to my world.

It destroys everything in its path, it does not care what happens to me..

It laughs at my pain and takes joy in my suffering, thrives in my misery.

Once it manifest itself I can no longer act as I am.

When I look at the mirror the monster looks exactly like me.

The Flood

2010-02-16T15:57:00.000-08:00

Thoughts so detestably sweet

urges so uncontrollably strong

is just part of the flood

Command I can not disobey

values loose its meaning

virtues swept aside

Oh God help me

Protect me from the flood

For when it strikes I loose control

I can not see, I can not think

I am helpless from the currents of the

Flood.

by:

Yaj Atenara

Ain't it funny

2010-02-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

It’s funny that people would only say thank you right after you did them a favor.

That most of the time, they only remember what you did for a short time and would not recall the things you did for them when it no longer suits them.

It’s funny how they act as if they know everything when they talk to you where in fact, they learned most of it from you.

When they change sides easily because well, there is nothing more they can get from you.

How insensitive they are to you and your feelings, when all the time they were with you, you thought about nothing else but their well beings.

It’s funny.

Why?

Because these people are doomed by the choices they make.

Because when it’s time Karma, fate, the general collective, the universe and all the known forces which handles the balance in the world, will deal with them properly.

At that time, however high and might they are, they will all fall back to the ground and hit rock bottom.

That is how things have always worked.

You will not be spared.

The day of reckoning will come and all of us will be judged, no one will be spared.

So to you who is smiling now, go ahead, tell the world of your conquest, boast of how you manipulate people into giving. Go ahead take, and take and take. Enjoy your spoils!

Tell your friends how great you are, tell them how you do not care what that person who has helped you feel about the things you are doing, about how you deliberately ignored their messages, how you laugh at them behind their backs. How you connive with your new boss by trying to steal your former superiors people and business.

Your day will come. God will strike a reprimanding hand on you and before you know it, you will be left with nobody but yourself. All your gains will turn to dust. I pity you.

Your day will come and on that day, I will have a sad smile on my lips for the unfortunate circumstance that you have brought upon yourself and with a soft air of justice in my heart.

I hope for your sake that you change your evil ways, try to be a good person and fate will look kindly on you.

Stop your insulting and offending words, stop your rumor mongering be a good person, you are not that good. You really think I am doing nothing because I can not do anything?

For now what I do is a choice, not to stoop down to your level.

Do you really think that I am just lucky and that’s the reason why I am still in my current position?

I have treated you as a friend and an equal. But you abuse it.

Do not go any further I beg of you, for your sake.

Or you will feel my wrath. . .

Armando Paraiso's Canada PR VISA Story

2010-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

Read my other Blog, the Canadian Dream and learn about how Aramando Paraiso overcame his problems in his application for Permanent Residents Visa application.

An okay picture of mine is very hard to capture hehehe. Somehow I always smirk, pout or close my eyes even if the flash is not turned on.

Weird, yes that I am.

This blog post has an okay pic, I hope.

Ms. Anonymous

2010-02-10T19:43:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine, another girl who also broke my heart, was commenting on my blogpost, we were laughing about it over ym, and discussed what made a girl sexy.

In our discussion, I told her that she is still sexy despite the fact that she is happily married now. This is something that I wrote for her. My friend and comare, you know who you are.

"You need not compare yourself with other women, nor should you care about the fact that you are with a son and getting older.

You will always be sexy. Even if you shrug it of and laugh at my comment, you can not deny that fact.

Its not your pretty face, not your slender figure. Maybe its your smile? Maybe its the way you walk, or talk, hmmmmm maybe its because you speak well, smell good and look good, or maybe its because you are who you are, and that in itself is sexy.

If you don't believe me, just notice the way, the people would have a second look whenever you pass bye, or how people treats you cordially with a big smile in their face whenever you talk to them (which includes the crazy person in the street way back in college).

Somehow you have an Aura that draws people to you, maybe because you are not just superficially beautiful, you are different, you are one of a kind, you have a beauty that is pure and would withstand the harshness of time."

Dear friend now, your the one who owes me lunch hehehe.

The girl with the croOked smile

2009-10-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

I do not know you yet.

I thought that I have found you but I was wrong.

I do not know who you are. But I have been looking for you all my life.

I have fallen for you for several times.

I have seen your bits and pieces in women that I have loved. There were many, but I still longed for you.

I do not know what you look like, you may be small, you maybe tall, you may be pretty or maybe not. You may be the girl with the croOked smile for all I care.

But when I find you, and I assure you I will, you will be the girl that I will love and care for with all my heart until the day I die, and the eternity that would follow.

I do not know how we will meet. It maybe in the streets, it maybe in a crowded room at a party perhaps, a grocery store, the wake of a friend, the intersection of a traffic light, I do not know how.

I just know that sparks of invisible electricity will come out flying and I would immediately know you are around.

Then I will search for you in all directions, and even if I see just a single strand of your hair I will know that it is you.

I need not touch you to feel your presence. For even if my eyes were closed at the time of our meeting, my heart will still see you.

These things that I say are not promises, they are actions that I will do with certainty.

As certain as after today will be tomorrow, that every time the sun sets, a sunrise will start the beginning of a new day.

I will love you, you and you alone...

I will devote all my waking hours to show you the extend of the love that I will feel for you.

I will court you every day, every minute, every second and each moment that I will share with you will be pure bliss.

Because I will only be happy to do things that I know will make happy.

You shall become the center of my universe and as the Sun, your light will be the only thing that will give me warmth; that will give me life.

I will be yours for aeon and aeon's of eternities...

Heart, Body, Soul and Spirit.

And you will be; will always be the Girl; my Girl with a croOked smile...

Written by: Yaj Atenara

God speaks through a Movie, A radio Show

2009-10-04T06:37:00.000-07:00

I was almost certain that it was you I would end up with.

Then something had to happen...

I was almost sure that we would get back together. All the tunes in my favorite radio show just kept on telling me things about you. Then you decided to finally say goodbye.

I have been like this for two years now. Since the day you left. Always thinking about you, almost forcing myself to accept that it is over between us.

But my arguments with myself are weak. I still think and want to end up with you.

What was it about you?

Was it as real for you as it was for me. Was everything that I experience and felt something that I only imagined?

A good friend told me that, I should really accept and maybe realize that the chapter in my life with you has already ended. She is right of course it has ended. As much as I want it to be you, that will never happen.

I always say that i envy you for being able to move on. I still do. Although, maybe times I said that to spite you. As a sarcastic remark. But the thing is, it is me who is to blame for my situation because I refused to move on.

I was not being inconsistent. I sincerely meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy, although i wanted you to be happy while being with me because i wanted to be happy too.

I may never move on. I may never be truly happy. But i have to try.

It is hard to love the way that i have loved you. They say that there is a thin line between love and hate. Maybe that is true too. Recently, I do not know which is it that I feel for you.

I do not want to hate you this way forever. Doing so would mean I would have to always remember what had happened between us, and that I will never be happy again as well.

I have prayed, and prayed that my mind be free of you. And maybe that is why I saw that movie. Which made me realize that all is not lost, and even in relationships such as ours, shit can still happen.

I hated you lesser than I hated you yesterday.

Haayy...

Lord please help me, I no longer know what to do.

I want to be whole again.

I want to move on.

It is really over isn't it?

A picture of you

2009-09-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

I saw a picture of you and I was mesmerized.

I can not believe it.

After all this time, you still possess the same effect on me. It was like the first time I saw you. You passed bye my table and I saw that smile that melted my soul.

It was a one way view, you did not see me then. Then I made sure I could spend time with you. We watched that movie that we both did not like. That kiss in a cab. That time alone.

So many memories, that still captivates my very being.

What are you? Who are you?

Why do you have this effect on me?

I no longer want to believe we are soul mates.

You push me away every time. You hurt me. I am like the only person you do not think about. When everybody else receives your kind heart and concern.

Will I hate you till I die? Will you please get out of my mind.

How can I erase you from my memory?

Set me free from your jinx.

How is it, that the person that I love the most and hate the most are one and the same?

My fist clinches and my heart raises.

I have a steady frown on my forehead.

I watch a movie and I remember you. Am I cursed?

I hope karma is for real... So that whatever I am experiencing, the suffering and the pain. You will feel, a thousand folds. Steer clear of my path. Or I might forget myself. Trust me, you do not want to feel my wrath.

I hope you would know how much pain you have caused. Even just of how I feel will kill you I am sure.

Kiss of Judas

2009-09-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

I open my eyes and I close it. I wander around this world, and I still see and feel you. How is it that its hard for me to forget you.

Were you supposed to be the one. I wonder, do you think about me too? I am lost. Forever?

I hate to think how I hate you so much. I hate to think that my sanity is affected by your smile, or the memory of your smile.

My head says it detests you my heart says otherwise.

We can never be friends, I will not compromise. I will not settle for anything less. I have murdered all of them whom you chose against me in my mind a billion times. You may have brought out the best in me, but lured out the beast in me as well.

I remember your kiss, how it made me feel, how my knees and the bones of my soul quivered. I did not know that even the kiss of Judas could feel so sweet.

I will never forgive you, you are the reason for all my bitterness.

Bad News Good News

2009-07-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

They say that the News should depict the current culture of the Era that we live in.

But what kind of news do we really get from Media?

If its not about rape, its killings and fraud.

We live in an Era that is like one of the worsts, from what I have read.

That is sometimes, I only want to read the cartoons section when I get my morning paper.

I hunger for good news.

For example, killings in the United States never stops.

Jacob Lee Shafer might have killed 6 people in Tennessee Alabama.

Read more about this by clicking on this link.

Movie Metro Manila

2009-07-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

This blog post, Movie Metro Manila, is not about what is currently showing or whats the next Movie attraction.

Rather, this is where you would want to go to have the Ultimate Movie watching experience.

After watching my 6th Harry Potter Moive yesterday, a Movie based on the series of Novels written by the best selling author JK Rowling, I have come to conclude the that best Movie House in Metro Manila is the Gateway Ciniplex 10 (Platinum Cinema).

Sure it is expensive (at P350 per ticket) as compared to the regular movie rates, but my o my the experience is simply the best!

Better than Imax! I swear!

I am a serious movie watcher and I know that the comfort that this Cinema will give you will be comparable next to none.

If there is a movie you want to see, and you are scouting which Movie theater you watch it in Metro Manila, you should give Gateway Ciniplex 1o (Platinum Cinema).

I would like to quote the Ciniplex 10 write up.

"... with a private access and lounge area. With 40 La-Z-Boy reclining leather chairs, this is every movie buff's dream come true. For those who want to live a little, an exclusive menu offers a selection of beers and wines plus delicious snacks which can be enjoyed in the exclusive lounge or in the comfort of the theatre itself. The Platinum Cinema screen is also available for private screenings and other presentations..."

I do not know about the private presentation part but imagine a Cinema so exclusive it only have 40 seats, and the La-Z-Boy feature explained in their write up is a bit understated.

How do I describe the experience hmmmm...

Okay here goes, you know why you enjoy watching DVD movies at the privacy of your home better compared to watching in a Movie House sometimes.

At home nobody you can watch the movie any way you want, whether sitting down or lying down will potato chips at hand (I do not like popcorn), you can put your feet up, put a pillow at the back of your head for extra comfort?

Well the experience in watching a Movie at Gateway Ciniplex 10 (Platinum Cinema)is like that, only better!

You have to try this guys, I know where I will be watching my next Movie Favorites, I will no longer scout Movie Houses for watching a Movie in Metro Manila.

Once you have tried it you will not settle for anything less.

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2009-07-12T18:20:00.001-07:00

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Type rest of the post here

World behind the stars

2009-07-12T17:18:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wondered if there are lifeforms in the other planets?

We have seen countless movies and books speculating the fact of Life in other planets.

Most of them, filled with awe and fear on what lurks beneath canyons and cliffs as illustrated in this media.

Most of the times, we only hear about their achievements when there is already a major break through, like walking in the moon, a discovery of a comet, and others.

At present, National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) of the United States is already broadcasting regular trips and events in Space as they happen through NASA TV.

For those of you who are interested, you may access it by clicking this link.

Push Push Push!

2009-07-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

There is something wrong with me of late, I find myself slow and weak, not because I am sick.

But due to a free flowing anxiety that I can not identify.

I have been nurturing this feeling for a few weeks now, but today I have decided to finally put a stop to it.

My brother Jorge, pronounced as Horhe, once told me, that the only problem that is worth your time are those that can still be solved. If something bothers you and you do not know why, or you have a problem without a foreseeable solution, then it is no longer a problem, it's just a fact of life.

I have been into this slums before, and the only thing that makes me overcome this situation is through acceptance.

There are simply, certain things that you will not be able change.

And they will remain the same, no matter how much you want to change them, they will not change even if want them in your life or not.

Maybe the only comfort you can give yourself is to believe that the saying, "Everything happens for a reason", is true.

So here I am, up early and blogging, hoping that writing it down will give me a better conviction in believing that I can overcome the situation.

I have decided to push myself once more.

Today, I found my second wind. Today I will make a difference.

At least I hope so.

Wifey...

2009-06-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

There is no need to worry I will be okay.

I am sorry that in my haste, I was not able to tell you how much I really love you.

I tried but the words got caught up, my voice broke, and I fought the tears from falling.

That is not how I want you to remember me. I smiled for you, I did it, somehow I knew what you were going to say, but I came anyway. I’m a fool, but the price was far greater than what I was about to experience.

When you finally said it, I felt the familiar pain of losing you once more; it was just like the day you left, when we said our goodbyes and made our promises.

The promises that we never kept, that faded away in the dust.

The goodbyes that became permanent.

The only difference is, it is now final.

There was a moment, right after you said what you came to say, when you caught me staring at you, and then I had to force a smile.

At that time, I remembered all the beautiful time I have spent with you. The warm hugs and the sweet kisses. How much I enjoyed spoiling you. I remember the dreams that we have planned for both of us, you in a white dress walking down the aisle towards me-that would have been the happiest day of my life, the daughter that looked just like you, a lifetime dedicated to prove my love for you, your voice of assurance in a soft whisper, telling me that you will come back to me no matter what.

I remembered it all in a flash, all at once; I saw all the memories that made me whole, that fueled me to go on with life.

The very same things that I will never ever experience, or have, because even though you came back, it is only to say your final goodbye.

It is painful yes, but you are not to blame, I had a choice, and I made a decision. I could have walked away when you were late to avoid experiencing the feeling of being crushed but I decided to stay.

And I would do it again without any hesitation; I would brave a thousand goodbyes, just to have the chance to see you one last time. To see the smile that melted my heart, and those lovely eyes that could see through the bones of my soul. To feel your last embrace that is like a drug that makes me feel nothing else matters than that moment when I had you in my arms.

I should have kissed you. I should have kissed you. I should have kissed you.

If only to feel softness of your lips one last time, the only kiss that touches my heart every time it happened. The sweetest kiss that kindled the will of my spirit.

I should have held your hand when I brought you to the taxi stand. To let you experience my love, through the sparks that flew out of my finger tips, one last time.

I sound pathetic I know, buts it’s a small price to pay to be able to spend some time with the person who owned your heart.

Although, I have failed to say all of this last night, I know that you know how much I feel for you.

I used to show you every day. Do you still remember?

My love you for you is:

Much, Much, Much bigger than both my hands stretched out widely

Deeper than the deepest ocean

More than the number of raindrops in a storm

Far more than the stars in the Skies

More than you love me

More than I love myself

Despite your decision and everything that has happened, my feeling for you has not changed. Maybe it never will.

But I am powerless.

Because you want to move on and as much as I want to share my lifetime with you, I know that you will only truly be happy if I let you go.

So be free my love, live well…

I know that you love me too, but I understand why you have to listen to the little voice at the back of your head telling you it will never work. Maybe they are right. I get it, you have your life to live, and right now it does not allow me to be part of it.

It is enough for me to know that you will find your happiness. That was all I ever wanted for you.

You will reach your goals… You will keep on living your dreams…

Forget the bad things that have happened to both of us, that only happened because of circumstances beyond our control.

They will not happen to you again.

I promise you that.

You are a good person. The angels will guard over you.

You make your parents proud, I know so.

Because nobody can be more proud than I am of you, at what you have accomplished so far. You are ahead of everybody else, even me.

Take care always.

I love you and only you.

I will be fine just promise me that you will always stay safe.

Goodbye Wifey…

The reels of my life

2009-05-31T00:37:00.000-07:00

Life is a journey.

As we deal with our day to day activities we go from place to place, meet people, experience new things or experience the same things with different people which makes it a totally new experience.

Travel with me, as I share with you my existence...

Laugh with me, cry, be at awe, be bored with me, let us look at each others eyes and see the each others thoughts.

Let us decipher life's meaning and find the truth that we seek.

This is my journal, I do hope to see you in its pages.