God speaks through a Movie, A radio Show

I was almost certain that it was you I would end up with.

Then something had to happen...

I was almost sure that we would get back together. All the tunes in my favorite radio show just kept on telling me things about you. Then you decided to finally say goodbye.

I have been like this for two years now. Since the day you left. Always thinking about you, almost forcing myself to accept that it is over between us.

But my arguments with myself are weak. I still think and want to end up with you.

What was it about you?

Was it as real for you as it was for me. Was everything that I experience and felt something that I only imagined?

A good friend told me that, I should really accept and maybe realize that the chapter in my life with you has already ended. She is right of course it has ended. As much as I want it to be you, that will never happen.

I always say that i envy you for being able to move on. I still do. Although, maybe times I said that to spite you. As a sarcastic remark. But the thing is, it is me who is to blame for my situation because I refused to move on.

I was not being inconsistent. I sincerely meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy, although i wanted you to be happy while being with me because i wanted to be happy too.

I may never move on. I may never be truly happy. But i have to try.

It is hard to love the way that i have loved you. They say that there is a thin line between love and hate. Maybe that is true too. Recently, I do not know which is it that I feel for you.

I do not want to hate you this way forever. Doing so would mean I would have to always remember what had happened between us, and that I will never be happy again as well.

I have prayed, and prayed that my mind be free of you. And maybe that is why I saw that movie. Which made me realize that all is not lost, and even in relationships such as ours, shit can still happen.

I hated you lesser than I hated you yesterday.

Haayy...

Lord please help me, I no longer know what to do.

I want to be whole again.

I want to move on.

It is really over isn't it?