If, only this was the last time

This is the last time that I will ever think about you...

The last time that I will wonder what else I may have done to keep you in my life.

Is this my fate?


To dissect each memory of you; that are like sands that flows in an hourglass that loops to infinity.

These involuntary thoughts that intrudes in both my sleeping and waking hours.

There is no stopping it, a thought of you would hit me and my heart begins to overpower my brain.

In a trance the world before me disappears, and I escape to a place filled flashes of the times that I have spent with you.

I remember even the most smallest of detail, nothing evades my minds sadistic scrutiny.

A gush of emotions sweeps me away, and I take everything in, the happiness, the sadness and the pain of my longing.

I am powerless.

You are my preferred poison I do not care about the perils that comes after, only the induced Euphoria that I embrace with my arms wide open, that is here and now.

It is here that I beat myself into thinking of what may have been the things I have committed that pushed you away.

It breaks my heart to remember the tears you have shed because of me. I wish I could make amends one last time.

If only I could, I would kiss your eyes hoping to wipe those tears and make it stop from flowing so that I can enjoy staring at your lovely eyes.

I would hold you and never let go.

I would hold; carry you; look at you and let my eyes tell you; my smile describe to you the fire in my soul that burns for you with passion.

I would embrace and protect you nothing will harm you, I will make you lean on my chest and allow my heart to leap in jubilation, for being close to its mistress.

I hope you did not forget, I gave him to once to you and since then it only beats for you.

What was it? Please tell me.

Help me from becoming insane, I think about nothing else but you.

Did you not like those rose petals? Was I a pretentious cook?

Was I wrong in giving you those pills that will help control your dizziness in travel for your intended trip, before I even learned your last name?

Please tell me, and stop this noise in my mind, loud thoughts shouting, blaming me for letting you go.

I did try you know? I made it my responsibility to make you happy. I have been wrong I know, but at the time, I was only thinking about you when I gave in to your plans in going after your dreams.

I know, I made the wrong decision.

Even if you did not tell me, I should have made you stay, maybe then both of us would have been happier.

Thank you for let me write these, thank you for listening, I may have calmed down enough to think that all of these really does not matter.

Its too late isn't it?

I do not even know where you are anymore, you have moved on and left me.

All I know is I am lost, and I can not reach you, heck it feels like you are just a few miles from the Sun.

If only, if only...

I could have been the Man that you wanted me to be, guessed every little thing that you wanted then maybe, I would have been the man that you decided to end up with.